


One More Light

by DarkAlpha67



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Laura Hale, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Derek attempts commit Suicide, Derek is Seventeen Years Old, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, M/M, New York, Original Hale-Stilinski Children, Pre-Series, Read with caution PLEASE, Sadness, Spark Stiles Stilinski, Suicide Attempt, Time Travel, blame, heart-break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 20:17:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21203477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkAlpha67/pseuds/DarkAlpha67
Summary: Cold metal touched his temple, the scent of Wolfsbane burning his nose from the single bullet housed in the chamber. The one bullet she’d left behind, with the Argent crest engraved in the casing.A calling-card.A reminder.A confirmation.An out.His finger curled around the trigger.Heat and soothing air breathed against his face and then, “DEREK! STOP!”





	One More Light

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, everyone. So this is sad. There is a happy ending but its ultimately heartbreaking, so for that I am sorry. 
> 
> Please Read with Caution: for Warning's please read the end notes.

_I drive myself crazy, ‘cause I can’t escape the gravity_

_ I’m holding on _

_Why is everything so heavy?_

_ Holding on_

_ So much more than I can carry_

_ I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down _

_If I just let go,_

_ I’d be set free _

_Holding on_

_ Why is everything so heavy? _

Silence echoed through the vacant building.

His knees, numb and weak sunk him to the dust coated floor. His hands shook, trembling around the gun. His throat ached, raw from tortured emotions, his chest burned; his cheeks were wet as tears poured down his face.

All around him, the stench of death, the burden of life, the blame of wrongly chosen paths licked at him with blood thirsty tongues.

Derek’s finger, lead-like, curled around the trigger. A gut-wrenching sobs clenched his stomach, his insides convulsing with the urge to throw up.

He had nothing left to bring up, he had nothing left holding him back, holding him up.

For months he had circled this abandoned building, it’s broken down infrastructure, its shattered windows calling to him, beckoning him closer with the promise of relief.

For months he had walked away, feeling the tingle of regret run down his body, tugging as if reaching for the peace Derek refused to accept.

For weeks he’d fought back this urge with the reminder that he had Laura back at their apartment. He would look away and return to her with the burden and punishment he deserved to bear.

Until…

_“YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO LOST SOMEONE! ALL YOU DO IS MOPE AND GROWL! IF BEING HERE IS SUCH A FUCKING EFFORT THEN JUST LEAVE!”_

_ “LEAVE!” _

He gritted his teeth, tasting the salt of his grief, of his hurt, of the dare behind of those word. With a heavy arm, Derek lifted his hand, palm slick with sweet yet his body was frozen with fear and pain.

Cold metal touched his temple, the scent of Wolfsbane burning his nose from the single bullet housed in the chamber. The one bullet she’d left behind, with the Argent crest engraved in the casing.

A calling-card.

A reminder.

A confirmation.

An out.

His finger curled around the trigger.

Heat and soothing air breathed against his face and then, “DEREK! STOP!”

His hand jerked away and down, as if ashamed of being caught in this position. His chest tensed up, clenching in and around his heart in a crushing hold.

Green eyes snapped open and through the blur of his never-ending tears, Derek saw a lone figure burst forth from a beaming arch of light. He was racing over, shirt flapping behind him until he fell to his knees, sliding over to Derek in a matter of seconds.

Hands, warm and burning curled around his fingers, enclosing his hand around the gun, holding his arm down.

A cry tore through his body, his mind and heart tortured by crushing disappointment. All that his voice would vocalize was a broken off sob that had escaped through the cage of his teeth. Something cupped his face, and that voice, that unknown voice broke through the suffocating silence that had being encouraging him to give in.

“Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Don’t, please, don’t. It’s okay. I got you. It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay… don’t, don’t, don’t…” Over and over, the stranger before him repeated in frantic whispers.

Some distant part of his mind was screaming at him to move away! Who was this! Why are they doing this! He want it to end, to just make it end.

“Please, make it stop, make it stop, make it stop...” His lips moved to form the words that were shrieking through him.

“Hey, hey, look at me.”

His eyes moved at their own accord. Amber orbs flooded his vision. “It’s gonna be okay, I promise, okay. Derek, it’s gonna be ---“

Derek’s body jerked to life. He ripped himself away from the clutches of the strange man. His weak legs conjured every inch of life left within to carry him away, his shoes scuffing against the floor. He picked himself up, his body hunched in as if in the midst of collapsing in on itself but he needed to get away.

He needed to- Why was this man here! Why is he stopping him? What did Derek ever do to him? WHY IS HE KEEPING DEREK FROM DOING THIS?

“Derek, whoa, whoa, stop. It’s – I’m sorry, okay, I’m sorry, just please, stop.” The man lifted himself up, hands up in surrender as if to ward him off, to calm to him, to ease his pain.

Derek felt his head shaking. His lips parted as the agony burned within expressed itself in wet sobs. He closed his eyes, lifting his hand again, “go away, please, go away, just go away, please.”

“Don’t…” The man cried. “Derek, please don’t do this. Please, just don’t.”

“Why are you – who are you?” He asked, looking at the man before him with broken eyes.

“My name is Stiles. My name is – I am, I’m someone who cares very much about you, okay.”

“I don’t know you.”

The man, Stiles, stumbled forward. “Not yet, okay, you don’t know me yet.”

As he got closer, Derek’s eyes saw the tears that mirrored his, saw the reflective pain in Stiles’ eyes. His wolf, his broken, lost and dying wolf, whined from within. Derek’s chest vibrated, throat moving as if to echo the shattered sound.

“Please, okay. Just listen to me, please, just put the gun down. I’m begging you, please put the gun down.”

The sour scent of anguish wafting off Stiles, off this stranger, silencing the voices in his head for a second. His felt his ears yearning, straining to hear more, and his hand, as if compelled by the voice alone, slowly lowered.

The cool metal left its imprint on his sweat-slicked temple.

A winter air of relief enveloped Derek like a passing breeze and Stiles took a hesitant step closer.

“Look at me, please.” The request was spoken softly, gentle, coaxing him to comply.

Dull green eyes lifted, the hand holding the gun trembling, a battle of wills between peace and survival waging on in Derek.

But still, he listened, waiting… pleading for answer, for something…

“I know you’re hurting, right now. I know everything in you just wants to give in to make it all stop, but you... you can’t, all right. You can’t, because out there, I – there are people out there waiting for you, people who love you and need you.”

Derek was shaking his head in denial but the man pushed on, stepping closer. “Yes, yes, there are. There are, sweetheart. There are groups of people out there who need you to make it. You aren’t a waste of space, and you don’t deserve death.”

“Stop.” The words spilled from him. “Don’t. Stop. You don’t know, you don’t what I did.”

“I do.”

Green eyes snapped up. Fear sunk its talons into his nerve endings.

Stiles nodded, “I know what happened. I know what she did. _It was not your fault._ And one day you will see that. One day, I promise you the pain will go away. I swear it on my soul.”

“How you do know!” The agony within him tore the words from him. “How can you possible promise me that!”

“Because! Because,” Stiles closed the distance between them and Derek remained frozen in place. “Because one day, when the world is less dark, and the pain is just a lingering ache, you are gonna have people with you, people who know the truth and love you with everything in them and you are gonna be so happy. I promise! I—“ Stiles cut himself.

He was shaking now. Both of them were.

Then, the soothing warmth that seemed to surround Stiles like a protective aura reached out and enveloped Derek, too, as Stiles took one more step closer, eyes lifting, boring into his. Blanketed by this foreign sensation, Derek’s felt his shoulders, once wrought with tension sink in.

Hands, hesitant and cautious lifted and framed his face. His wolf and Derek himself, was paralysed. Unable to more an inch, a part of him that had been dead for so long trickled to life, drip by aching drip.

Stiles’ voice, gentle and soothing, touched with something Derek felt unworthy of, rang through his ears, vanquishing his demons for a fraction of a moment. “One day, you and I are gonna meet. We are gonna fight tooth and nail, but in the end, we’ll find each other.” Amber eyes glimmered with tears. “And when we do, everything this world has thrown at us will be powerless. Together, the pain that death had caused, the loss and the darkness that comes with it will never take us down.”

Derek gritted his teeth, but his heart pleaded for more.

And Stiles continued. “You and I are gonna have an amazing life together. With love and a family and peace. And no matter what we become, no matter what you become, you will always, _always_, be the love of my life. So please, please don’t do it. Because I can’t – I can’t live in a world where you don’t exist. I can’t live in a world where you don’t love me.” The truth behind those words, the promise they held seeped into him, coursing through him like medicine, soothing and cooling the hell burning on inside the depths of his being.

His head sunk, and a soft surface pressed against his forehead, keeping him from crumbling in. The hand on his cheek was joined by another, fingers moving to brush away the tears that was soaking his face.

“I don’t..” Derek gasped out. “I don’t know if I can do it. I can’t, I can’t take it anymore.”

“I know, but you will.” Stiles sobbed. “You will, because you are one of the strongest, bravest and most courageous person I know. You are. You just have to give yourself the chance.”

The words were mangled together in his head.

His wolf and his heart thumped on within, revived and momentarily relieved from the crushing weight of his despair. He wanted to believe Stiles, but he couldn’t.

Derek’s hold on the gun tightened.

Stiles pressed closer. And Derek felt something cold press against his cheek. He pulled away sluggishly, head turning, eyes searching and then he saw it.

A golden strand encased in a silver band on Stiles’ fourth finger on his left hand. A tear slid down his cheek, caught by the caressing thumb.

Green eyes stared down at the ring and then Derek braved on, turning to meet sincere, pleading and hopeful amber orbs.

“Do you promise?” He voiced.

It sounded helpless. The question, spoken weakly, passed his mouth without his consent.

“On my life.”

A sob tore through him. His fingers lost its grip and weight in his hand vanished. The sound of the metal clattering to the ground echoed through the room just as two arms wrapped around his neck, fingers threading through his hair.

His body shook as a quaking sob wrecked through his body.

“It’s okay. I’m gonna be okay, it’s gonna be okay. I promise. I promise.” Stiles whispered into his skin, the words warming him to the core, but the despair burned on.

The electric scent lingering in Stiles’ scent sparked to life.

He moved away, but the warmth he’d bestowed upon Derek remained, blanketing them.

“I have to go.” Stiles whispered to him.

“What?”

Tears slid down pale cheek. “I can’t stay and… you can’t remember meeting me.”

Panic struck him. Derek’s shoulders hunched up, his body falling in as if to move away from Stiles. His chest and insides turned to stone, and his heart slammed against his ribcage. Green eyes fell the floor, landing on the gun-

“Hey, no.” Stiles’ face blocked out the gun. “I know this is confusing. And the thought of causing you pain is making me sick to my core but, I can’t risk you remembering this. It could, it could jeopardize our future and I can’t risk that. _We_ can’t risk it.” The hands his cheeks drifted up, deafening his ears for a brief moment, until fingers sunk into his hair. “So I am gonna make you forget meeting me, but I’m gonna leave behind a small part.”

Derek shook his head. “No, you can’t – you can’t just—I won’t make it, I don’t want to forget—I can’t go back, don’t make me go back to—“ He broke off.

“You won’t forget. Not entirely. I promise, Der.” Stiles blinked through the tears. “Close your eyes.”

Derek stared at Stiles. He didn’t want to forget. If he forgot, he can’t forgot, no, he can’t—

“Trust me. Close your eyes.”

Pained and fearful, Derek forced his eyelids to drop.

He trembled with terror, his body shaking as the fingers in his hair, pressing against his skull, two fingers leaving its imprint on his temple.

“Just breathe.”

Something soft and gentle coursed through his head, like a soothing current of a calm sea. He felt its formless tendrils moving around, and then, slowly a voice he no longer recognized, and eyes he knew should be familiar faded from his mind seconds later, resonating, like a distant memory resting on the tip of his tongue but was too vague to recall.

A part of him reminded himself to open his eyes.

Derek blinked and was met with the sight of a vacant room, the dust of the floor and walls greying the world around him. He frowned, his heart and mind confused. Something wet ran down his cheek and Derek lifted a hand to wipe it away.

It was a tear.

His attention shifted them, eyes staring down at his hand and the agony made itself know once again. He felt disgust, grief and misery twist inside him, saw the invisible blood coating his hands, crusting his fingers, unable to be washed away, he heard the voices in his head reminding him of what he had done, what he had caused. The weight, the loss and the confounded despair that had plagued his mind like a deserving poison being louder and heavier.

He looked around him, remembering the building.

Derek moved and then, he felt that familiar sense of regret join the emotional storm as he felt his body carry him out the building. He heard Laura’s voice, felt himself reaching for her, for the bond they shared. It was weak, barely comprehensible but he knew it still existed. It surfaced every so often as reminder that their bond, two single strands, was all that was left of the Hale Pack.

He didn’t know how long he walked.

He didn’t know how he made it.

But soon, he found himself entering their apartment building. His head was ducked down, body numb and lifeless as he took the elevator up three floors. He reached the familiar door, painted hospital white with artificial bolts to give it a reinforced appearance.

He lifted his hand, and the door was flung open.

“Oh my God, Derek.” Mixed berries and forest air wrapped around him and Derek sunk into the embrace. “Fuck, I am so sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean. I was so worried. I thought I lost you too, I didn’t mean it.”

Derek wrapped his arms around her, clutching onto her like an anchor, praying she was strong enough to ground him to the now. He buried his head into her shoulder, a broken sob tearing through every fiber of his being.

“I’m so sorry.” She kept saying.

_ Please don’t do it_, he distantly heard, and he latched onto that, too.

*

Stiles let himself into their home, silently trudging up the stairs. He paused outside the first door on the right. Gently, he eased it open. Tears burst forth at the sight of the two small bodies curled up on two single beds, fast asleep. The soft glow of the nightlight illuminated Thea’s peaceful features as she drooled onto her superman pillow. His eyes remained on her for a few more indulging seconds before they drifted over to the head of blonde hair peeking out from underneath his Wonder Woman covers. A smile joined his tears as he heard Cas’ muffled mumbles, the words “shoo” and “goober” being the most clear.

Knowing he needed to leave before his Spark make itself known to his kids, he gingerly stepped back, closing the door behind, leaving it only an inch ajar.

Heart heavy, stomach in knots, he made his way to the bedroom. Opening, relief, love and heartache struck him at the sight of the man passed out on his bed, Stiles’ pillow wrapped in his arms, clutched to his chest.

The moment he stepped in and closed the door, Derek twitched in his sleep, rumbling lowly as he turned toward Stiles, eyes still closed.

“Stiles?” The word was slurred, tongue heavy from sleep and Stiles gently hushed him, closing he distance between them to run his fingers through Derek’s hair.

“It’s okay, I just came back from work. Go back to sleep.” He whispered into his husband’s ear.

Derek frowned, head turning, nose twitching. “Y’re sad.”

Leaning down, Stiles soothed his worries with a gentle kiss to corner of his mouth. “I’m fine, now.”

“W’na talk?” He was fighting to remain awake, but Stiles knew how exhausted he must be, so, with a light projection, he allowed his Spark to wash over Derek, love, happiness and contentment bleeding through. Instantly, Derek sunk into the mattress and fell asleep.

Biting back the pain at what’d witness not so long ago for him, but years ago for the man laying before him, Stiles leaning down to press another kiss on Derek’s temple, the same temple a 17 year old Derek had pressed a gun against moments before.

“I love you.” He whispered.

“Hmm. L’ve you, too…” Came the response.

Tears burned his eyes and he bit back a sob he felt forming in his throat.

It was okay, he told himself.

He did it.

He saved Derek.

It was okay…

_Who cares if one more light goes out?_

_In the sky of a million stars_

_It flickers, flickers _

_Who cares when someone’s time runs out?_

_If a moment is all we are_

_We're quicker, quicker, _

_Who cares if one more light goes out? _

_Well, I do._

**Author's Note:**

> This fic deals with Derek's attempting to commit suicide. The first half of the story is centered around that so please, if anyone is triggered don't read. You can read the second half for the happy ending, where the suicide is hinted at, but once again, I caution you to please self-care, I'd hate for anything in this fic to trigger anyone <3
> 
> The songs used are by Linkin Park- sung by Chester Bennington, a man who understood pain, and made people feel less alone in this world.
> 
> If there are any more warnings I should add, please let me know because I understand this is a very serious topic.


End file.
